Every relationship is unique, and there is no definition of a ‘normal’ relationship. However, it could be crucial to recognise the healthy and unhealthy behaviours in relationships. In the initial stages of a relationship, it can be difficult to know if it will later become abusive. Abusive people often present themselves as ideal partners initially, with warning signs gradually becoming apparent over time. Recognising the early signs of domestic abuse can be difficult and might be easily missed.

What are the common early signs of abusive behaviour in a partner?

Relationships can have a large impact on our wellbeing, it is crucial to understand what behaviours can indicate abuse later in the relationship. Some common early warning signs include:

1. Controlling Behaviour: An abusive partner may exhibit controlling tendencies, dictating how you dress, who you spend time with, or what activities you engage in. They may also accuse you of certain things, such as seeing other people. This may lead to them checking your phone or other behaviours.
2. Isolation: Abusers often isolate their victims from friends and family, creating a sense of dependence on the abuser.
3. Intense Jealousy: Excessive jealousy and possessiveness, to the point of accusing you without cause, can be a red flag.
4. Manipulation: Emotional manipulation, guilt-tripping, or gaslighting are tactics used to control and undermine your sense of reality. They may say that you are the reason their behaviour is that way or blame you for certain events.
5. Verbal Abuse: Harsh criticism, name-calling, or insulting language may be early signs of verbal abuse.
6. Quick Involvement: An abuser might push for a fast-moving relationship, making declarations of love early on or pressuring you to commit.
7. Unpredictable Mood Swings: Frequent and extreme mood swings, especially if they result in aggression or violence, can indicate potential abuse.
8. Lack of Respect for Boundaries: Disregarding your boundaries and personal space is a warning sign that should not be ignored.
9. Blame-Shifting: Abusers often avoid taking responsibility for their actions and instead shift blame onto their victims.
10. Threats or Intimidation: Any form of threatening behavior, whether it’s physical intimidation, verbal threats, or even destruction of property, is a serious warning sign. They may also threaten to harm themselves as a form of manipulation.
11. Physical abuse: They may use physical violence towards you or towards property.
12. Financial Abuse: They may control or dictate how finances or spent. They may also leave you without access to any finances.

If you recognise any of these signs in your relationship, it’s important to seek support and consider professional help. Even if the behaviour of your partner does not fall into the above category does not mean it does not constitute abuse. If you are in any way concerned about your partners’ behaviour, we would advise that you seek help.

Should your situation be urgent, we would always advise you contact the Police on 999.

What are the types of abuse?

Abuse can manifest in various forms, and it’s important to be aware of the types to recognise and address them. The main types of abuse include:

Physical Abuse:

• Involves the use of force causing bodily harm or injury.
• Includes actions such as hitting, slapping, punching, kicking, or any form of physical harm.

Emotional or Psychological Abuse:

• Inflicts emotional pain, anguish, or distress on the victim.
• Includes verbal abuse, humiliation, constant criticism, manipulation, and intimidation.

Verbal Abuse:

• Involves the use of words to control, degrade, or harm another person.
• Includes name-calling, yelling, insulting, and using language to instill fear or shame.

Sexual Abuse:

• Involves any non-consensual sexual activity or coercion.
• Includes rape, unwanted sexual advances, sexual harassment, or any sexual act performed without consent.

Financial or Economic Abuse:

• Controls or exploits the victim’s financial resources.
• Includes preventing access to money, withholding financial information, or forcing financial dependence.

Digital or Cyber Abuse:

• Uses technology to control, harass, or intimidate the victim.
• Includes cyberbullying, harassment, stalking, or unauthorized sharing of private information.

Stalking:

• Involves persistent, unwanted attention and monitoring of an individual’s activities.
• Can occur in person or through electronic means.

The above is a list of some, but not all, types of abuse. Recognising the signs and seeking help is crucial for breaking the cycle of abuse and ensuring the safety and well-being of those affected.

How do I document the abuse?

There is multiple way to document abuse, which include:

• Maintaining a journal detailing your experiences.
• Making note of statements made by yourself, your partner, or any witness.
• Record any injuries with photos if possible.
• Seek medical attention, even in the absence of visible injuries.
• File a report with the police.
• Contacting a Domestic Abuse Service or Solicitor for further support and legal advice

How do I leave an abusive relationship?

Before leaving the relationship, you can get advice from organisations:

• Women’s Aid or Refuge for women
• Local Services such as Harbour, My Sisters Place, Halo, IDAS and many others
• Men’s Advice Line for men
• Galop for LGBT+
• ARCH for sexual abuse

Women’s Aid have useful information on making a safety plan for women and men.

What help and support is available?

If you’re in a relationship and being abused, help and support is available.

National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 24/7 service: 0808 2000 247

Women’s Aid: domestic abuse support for women and children

Men’s Advice Line: domestic abuse support helpline for men: 0808 8010327 Should your situation be urgent, we would always advise you contact the Police on 999.